Slowly but Surely: College Life Update

Audio Version Here**

Where do I even begin to explain my college experience thus far? This has literally been some of the most teaching and memorable last couple of months of my life. To the people that I've met thus far that have been so beneficial to my growth and amplifying my college experience in a positive way, I cannot thank you enough. Having good people around you will truly make or break your college experience and I've learned in some of the hardest ways.

I won't say everything that's happened in depth because not everything that's happened only involved me and I know some people may not want their business out there. I've broken down the different aspects of my life in college into categories which I hope will help you be able to better follow along and get a gist of what things have been like through my eyes.

So sit back, relax, and get this tea!

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HBCU Life was pretty much everything I expected it to be after doing my research. I made sure to know about housing, the food, staff, and even the party life. It definitely makes a difference when you network beforehand. However, there's nothing like truly experiencing it for yourself.

Academics
My grades honestly haven't been that bad. I feel like they could've been better in comparison to how I'm used to them being but we're not entirely off track. None of my classes were terribly hard which was good. However, every now & then I'd get an assignment from what seems like the devil himself! (Thank God for guidance and clarity, am I right?) All I can really do is just hope for the best because if I'm being honest, any class that doesn't involve writing is a struggle for me. Me and math ain't never got along & I don't even wanna look at another science-related formula in my life if I can help it. Much of the curriculum in my journalism classes was review for me because of my previous journalistic teachings which made the material easier. I just wasn't used to everything being so electronic. For some classes, it was good. For others, it honestly wasn't even necessary.

Party Life
Before you ask, yes they are lit. However, I didn't realize how repetitive parties could get, but I think it honestly was just the hype of it all for me. Same vibes, same music-- it just gets old after a

while. I just wanted to be out because I didn't have so many obligations or responsibilities. I will say that I had some of the best times I could have at these parties. As things slowed down and my workload got heavier, I didn't necessarily mind going out, but I definitely thought about it more before saying "yes" or "no". I also learned the importance of leaving with the same people you come with at a party after being left about a good three times or so.

Of course, I made it back safely or I wouldn't be typing this all out to you, but just communicate with those who you go out with. Also, make sure you have a good amount of money in your account just in case you have to buy the Lyft yourself :)
Drink responsibly and smoke responsibly if you decide to & make sure if it's new for you, you don't do too much because you don't know what your limits are just yet.


Relationships
I've encountered so many different types of people, went through lots of changes in my personal relationships and seen so many crazy things. The people that I started NSO (New Student Orientation) week with are still around, but not as heavily as before. I realized that it’s not always about who you start with, it’s about who you finish with.  I have more acquaintances than friends and it’s honestly kinda scary. It really wavered my trust for a little while until I realized that I’m literally with all strangers now. None of these people actually know me for real or at least not the way my family or close friends back home do. Everything is fresh and new. However, I also didn't realize how when you're in a whole new environment how much you grow & sometimes outgrow people because you all are no longer on the same path together. Saddening, but true. It's the people you least expect that you lose a connection with.

{Sidebar} Can I just say real quick how much I LOVE my HerCampus family? I joined over the summer and even though I wasn’t an active member at that point, just being in the group chat and feeling included really helped me feel valued. What they stand for as far as women’s empowerment and the art of the creative mind is really something I admire.

The Day to Day
As far as Hampton itself, I really do enjoy the school. Constantly being surrounded by young adults of color trying to push towards success is not only motivating but liberating as well. Along with having the majority of the people I see whether its a custodian or all the way up to our president, they're all people of color. It's not that we don't have other races around, but being the majority for once in my life in school has been so eye-opening for me. It helped me to be reminded that it's not always about fitting in with others, it's about creating your own thing because chances are there are others that aren't fitting in too. It’s also true what they say about being broke (even though half the time it don’t be really being broke, it just be acting broke to avoid spending money you don’t have to) My money goes almost as fast as my snacks do. I try my best to combat stress by seeking God daily and not spreading myself thin with my schedule.

Messiness
I'm not going to spend too much time on the negative experiences I've had while in college because I've learned from them and grown. However,  I would like to be realistic about the realities of college. What I've learned the hard way is that everyone is not your friend. You got people so insecure about themselves, they talk down on others. Then, you got people on the other hand with half they head filled with so much air they oughta be a hot air balloon. There are so many conversations that people have behind closed doors that never reach the people it should address & even though we're all still trying to figure things out-- what happened to the human decency? What do you actually gain from being around someone you don't like? The answer is simple and I'm sure you can already guess what it is :) All the extra is so unnecessary. That's why I plan on leaving all the mess in 2019.


Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.

Boo'd Up Season

Now that the weather is getting cooler, it's definitely time to get yourself a boo or significant other! For some people, it's easy! For others, it's the hardest task ever. That’s why I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. A lot of times when you’re with someone you like, they are just as nervous as you are if not more. The following tips I have are ones that can not only help you but can be applied in situations that don't always include personal relationships.

The Pursuit

I know speaking to people isn't easy for everyone, especially when they may be shy or socially awkward, but it can be done with just a little bit of effort. It takes one going past the initial introduction to really make someone interested. Whether it's asking them about tasks they've completed throughout the day or bringing up topics that can be discussed between the two of you. Learn about them without making it such a uniform conversation. After you feel as though you've learned enough about them, move into putting what you've learned to the test.

You can do this by confirming the information you know about them with them. Ask them questions that show them that you were listening when they told you things.

Do all these things without trying to be invasive or overbearing. You don't want that person to feel like you're being extra, but still, make them aware of the fact that you're feeling them.

Make them want to look forward to being around you and do your best to make every interaction positive, even if it's short.

Sticking Around
After you feel like you all are close enough, still continue pursuing them. Time one of the biggest contributing factors when it comes to someone evaluating your relationship with them. Not just the time spent together, but what's actually happening in that time. You should be able to learn something new every time you're with them, never stop learning. Also, continue to keep things exciting and interesting. Avoid hum-drum conversations with them to ensure they will not eventually become bored with you. Express to the person that you want to keep talking to them and make the best of every interaction. No, you all won't have a great interaction every time, but that's okay but its not intended to be perfect.

If you feel the person is starting to drift away or become too distant, address it. Addressing it will ensure that the person is at least aware of the fact that this isn't just a seasonal thing. Or even if it was a seasonal thing, you both are on the same page.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are the one that is becoming uninterested, do your best to...

1. Put yourself in the other person's shoes
2. Be understanding of the potential attachment, if any, that either of you could have had

You want this person to understand that you are wanting to move on in the least dramatic way possible. No bad blood, no animosity. There may be tension after it initially happens, but if it's a situation where you both could be friends why not?

Or...

If you're feeling like you really would like to be with this person, but you don't know how to go about keeping them around, address this as well. Timing is everything so if you feel deep down that it's not the right time, don't ask them. It takes a bond to mature first on its own before both parties understand its true place value. Don't rush into something that could be meant to be just because you want to do things in your own timing.

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Since it’s now no longer sunny all day or beaming hot, it’s fewer activities for you to enjoy with your boo but don’t let that discourage either of you from hanging out. Especially when there are more things to do than just Netflix & Chill. Doing research on events in your area is very essential to what’s going on. Sometimes when we don’t hear about things, we think nothing is going on which isn’t always the case. Find different festivals, upcoming concerts, or even... in your area.

Pro-Tip: Surprise your significant other by going to the event without telling them and make them guess the entire way there just to see where their mind is.

If research doesn’t help or you don’t have too much money right now, try anything of the things listed below:

• Game Night 
• Scary Movie Night 
• Walk through the park 
• Carve Pumpkins 
•  Thrift Shopping 
• Mini Photoshoot 
• Cooking a Meal

For those cold nights where it's just you two together, you could also try to play music. Sometimes it’s not even about getting in the mood, it’s about having that vibe with another person. Or even just wanting something to break tension and silence in a room. Here are some songs that might help...

Ari Lennox- Shea Butter Baby                                   
Wale Feat. Jeremih - On Chill                                       
Ella Mai- 10,000 Hours
DRAM Feat. Erykah Badu - WiFi
Jacquees Feat. Tink - Outta Line
Daniel Cesar Feat. Kali Uchis- Get You
H.E.R. Feat. Bryson Tiller - Could've Been
Brent Faiyaz - Stay Down
Miguel Feat. J.Cole & Salaam Remi- Come Through and Chill
Gravez - Call Me Back Feat. Elhae

Make this fall season one that's both memorable and has good vibes.

Always a pleasure, thank you. 

Behind the Camera: Actor's Edition

Kiah Clingman @kiahtheactress                            

This is the first installment of my new monthly series on my blog where I will be zeroing in on someone to interview in the entertainment industry. Anyone who is behind a camera on either side is being interviewed who can be viewed as an influence. 

If you have any suggestions on who I should pick next, feel free to email me at sherdellbaker@icloud.com or DM me on my Instagram @curlyblanco. 

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I had the pleasure of interviewing the amazing Kiah Clingman. The Ohio native had her start with acting when she would work on different short films and videos with her friends from college. All of which were great starts to her now even more blossoming career. She also comes from a creative background because her father, James Clingman, is an author of various economic books and black empowerment books. Her resume includes working with production companies such as DamnWriteOriginals and the Cincinnati Black Theatre. As well as, co-starring in the hit series Black Lightning and the film Undercover Brother 2. She graduated from Howard University in 2015 with her degree in both Theater and History.

"Acting is the hardest but most rewarding job to do." She stated when referring to the will and resilience needed in an industry that is very critical, and sometimes even rejecting various things you may want to bring to the table or ideals you may have.

At one point, it was even hard for her to get bookings because of her natural hair. Sometimes your appearance, especially in the entertainment industry, can be a make or break deal for your next job offer. Kiah explained how she had to learn to be "okay with herself" and understand that it is not always personal in brands that have a certain look they're trying to uphold. Additionally, rooting for others when you don't get the part. It can be very discouraging, especially in an industry that is so competitive, when you don't get a role that you feel like was made for you.

Kiah pictured above with her castmates from the web series,
Outlandish. 

With God being the head of her life, not only does she go to Him in prayer for a lot of her decision making, but she also prides herself on having your intentions align with your overall perspective in life. One role in a major movie she turned down because the role included her going up to another male character and wearing minimal clothing-- as if to be one of his "women". Turning this down said a lot to me about her character and her as a woman because she didn't wanna be presented in a way that would "downplay" her.

When asked about what advice she would give to someone who is looking to break into the industry, she exclaimed about one's perception. One's perception of their circumstances is what can affect their decisions & how they carry themselves on a daily basis.

Behind the Camera, Kiah still struggles with family issues like the next person. Along with balancing all of the different hats that she wears daily. Nonetheless, she does it gracefully with the way she chooses to live her life. Releasing positive energy out onto others is one way she does this along with seeking counseling. Yes, as we all know it can be scary venting to someone that you don't know about topics that you may not feel comfortable talking about. However, speaking to someone that has no previous background about you helps them to be objective and unbiased to ways they can advise you to go about different circumstances. This is something that she suggested for those wanting to get into the industry for clarity.

What's coming next from Kiah? Some of the projects she's working on she couldn't disclose all of the information due to The project she just recently finished, Undercover Brother 2, will be on Netflix in November. Also, she's producing two different short films that should have release dates on the horizon.


"Know what you want, and what you want can't be temporary." - Kiah Clingman, 2019



If you're interested in contacting or working with Kiah, her social media handles on Instagram and Twitter are @kiahtheactress, as listed above.

Her website is listed here... https://www.kiahclingman.com/

Her LinkedIn is listed here... https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiahclingman



Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.