First Date Do's & Dont's

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While bringing in the New Year, one of your goals might have been to get more adventurous and start dating. Or maybe it was even to get into a new relationship. Both of these are great goals to have, but sometimes we can miss one of the most essential parts when meeting a new love interest... the first date!

Source: Pexels (Jeswin Thomas)

#1 Do.... Prepare yourself for the date
When going on a date with someone, there's always this unwritten checklist that we go through.
Hair, check.
Outfit, check.
Perfume or Cologne, check.
Breath, triple check! (at least for some people, lol)
All of these are things that we want to ensure are situated before even stepping out the door. As good as you look on the outside is how you should feel on the inside so always make sure that dating is something you actually want to do. Even if you're just going out with someone in a friendly manner, don't make people regret going out with you by the end of the night.
Don't...Overthink it
Nobody likes people that do too much so always do just enough. For those that may not understand what "just enough is", allow me to break it down. Be kind but don't be nice to the point where it doesn't seem authentic. You could wind up saying something you didn't even mean to say if you're not careful! Being yourself is the best way to be on the first date. Be YOU! It's the easiest way to be.

#2 Do... Be involved in the conversation
Nonverbal communication such as eye contact and head nodding will help affirm your date that you are listening to them attentively. If you don't understand something they're saying, there's nothing wrong with asking. If the conversation gets dry, try to think of things that are happening around you like if someone at the table next to you says something interesting or a current event that the person would know about in areas such as music or sports.
Don't... Talk too much
If you don't let the other person get out their thoughts then they will feel like you are not a good listener. There's nothing wrong with responding to what the person says to you, but do not overtalk them and let them finish what they are saying completely before interjecting. Being the proper balance of listening and talking will show this person you have a good background in communication with others.

#3 Do... Be somewhat assertive
It's always good to go into a situation knowing what you want and what your motives are. Let the person know that you're interested in pursuing them or if you enjoy the date, that you want to go out again. Showing some sort of self-awareness or strength can really help in some cases with going on a date. It's because confidence many times is more attractive than intimidating & depending on what you say or do, assertiveness can be put under the belt of confidence.
Don't... Be overbearing
This goes back to Step #2 as far as not doing too much. Let the person know what your intentions and goals are without making them feel like they have no other option, but to say yes to you because you're being intimidating. Respect what they say and their responses. Listening goes a long way, everyone appreciates feeling heard so what do you have to lose?

#4 Do... Learn from your past experiences
Sometimes things that happen to us in previous relationships can make us feel discouraged when wanting to try something new. However, you can't let a bad relationship stop you from getting into another one that could be far more happier and healthier for you. Anything that you did wrong in the previous relationship, learn & take responsibility for it...then move on.
Don't.... Take out your past experiences on others
The new person you're dating doesn't need to hear a 30-minute long rant about how your ex/baby-daddy cheated on you nor does the new person that you're dating need to hear that you crazy ex-girl keeps blowing up your phone on the hour because she wants you back. Let the negativities of your past relationship go. Whatever happened was a lesson and take the lessons you've learned onward. The new person your with should be learning the improved version of you, not the old one that was drained and stressed all the time.

#5 Do...Remember your personal boundaries
If you don't want someone touching you regardless of how intimidating they are, SAY THAT! I can't tell you how many people have told how they felt uncomfortable on a date but didn't say anything. People only do things that make you upset or uneasy if you allow them.  Being vocal about what you don't like in the beginning will help the person understand you better & will help you test if they actually listen to you.
Don't...Be too uptight
Setting boundaries is a good thing to do early when starting a new relationship to ensure you and the person you are dating are on the same page. You still have a life though!! Let this person get you out of your comfort zone justtttt enough to try something new.  It may be a new type of food, a lounge you've never been too or maybe even an event that you've never even heard of-- any of these things could open you up to new experiences with a new person. Who knows, this one choice could become a tradition for both of you.

If you don't do anything else, at least take one of these tips and use them in your dating life. If they work, thank me later! 😉






Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.

Slowly but Surely: College Life Update

Audio Version Here**

Where do I even begin to explain my college experience thus far? This has literally been some of the most teaching and memorable last couple of months of my life. To the people that I've met thus far that have been so beneficial to my growth and amplifying my college experience in a positive way, I cannot thank you enough. Having good people around you will truly make or break your college experience and I've learned in some of the hardest ways.

I won't say everything that's happened in depth because not everything that's happened only involved me and I know some people may not want their business out there. I've broken down the different aspects of my life in college into categories which I hope will help you be able to better follow along and get a gist of what things have been like through my eyes.

So sit back, relax, and get this tea!

***

HBCU Life was pretty much everything I expected it to be after doing my research. I made sure to know about housing, the food, staff, and even the party life. It definitely makes a difference when you network beforehand. However, there's nothing like truly experiencing it for yourself.

Academics
My grades honestly haven't been that bad. I feel like they could've been better in comparison to how I'm used to them being but we're not entirely off track. None of my classes were terribly hard which was good. However, every now & then I'd get an assignment from what seems like the devil himself! (Thank God for guidance and clarity, am I right?) All I can really do is just hope for the best because if I'm being honest, any class that doesn't involve writing is a struggle for me. Me and math ain't never got along & I don't even wanna look at another science-related formula in my life if I can help it. Much of the curriculum in my journalism classes was review for me because of my previous journalistic teachings which made the material easier. I just wasn't used to everything being so electronic. For some classes, it was good. For others, it honestly wasn't even necessary.

Party Life
Before you ask, yes they are lit. However, I didn't realize how repetitive parties could get, but I think it honestly was just the hype of it all for me. Same vibes, same music-- it just gets old after a

while. I just wanted to be out because I didn't have so many obligations or responsibilities. I will say that I had some of the best times I could have at these parties. As things slowed down and my workload got heavier, I didn't necessarily mind going out, but I definitely thought about it more before saying "yes" or "no". I also learned the importance of leaving with the same people you come with at a party after being left about a good three times or so.

Of course, I made it back safely or I wouldn't be typing this all out to you, but just communicate with those who you go out with. Also, make sure you have a good amount of money in your account just in case you have to buy the Lyft yourself :)
Drink responsibly and smoke responsibly if you decide to & make sure if it's new for you, you don't do too much because you don't know what your limits are just yet.


Relationships
I've encountered so many different types of people, went through lots of changes in my personal relationships and seen so many crazy things. The people that I started NSO (New Student Orientation) week with are still around, but not as heavily as before. I realized that it’s not always about who you start with, it’s about who you finish with.  I have more acquaintances than friends and it’s honestly kinda scary. It really wavered my trust for a little while until I realized that I’m literally with all strangers now. None of these people actually know me for real or at least not the way my family or close friends back home do. Everything is fresh and new. However, I also didn't realize how when you're in a whole new environment how much you grow & sometimes outgrow people because you all are no longer on the same path together. Saddening, but true. It's the people you least expect that you lose a connection with.

{Sidebar} Can I just say real quick how much I LOVE my HerCampus family? I joined over the summer and even though I wasn’t an active member at that point, just being in the group chat and feeling included really helped me feel valued. What they stand for as far as women’s empowerment and the art of the creative mind is really something I admire.

The Day to Day
As far as Hampton itself, I really do enjoy the school. Constantly being surrounded by young adults of color trying to push towards success is not only motivating but liberating as well. Along with having the majority of the people I see whether its a custodian or all the way up to our president, they're all people of color. It's not that we don't have other races around, but being the majority for once in my life in school has been so eye-opening for me. It helped me to be reminded that it's not always about fitting in with others, it's about creating your own thing because chances are there are others that aren't fitting in too. It’s also true what they say about being broke (even though half the time it don’t be really being broke, it just be acting broke to avoid spending money you don’t have to) My money goes almost as fast as my snacks do. I try my best to combat stress by seeking God daily and not spreading myself thin with my schedule.

Messiness
I'm not going to spend too much time on the negative experiences I've had while in college because I've learned from them and grown. However,  I would like to be realistic about the realities of college. What I've learned the hard way is that everyone is not your friend. You got people so insecure about themselves, they talk down on others. Then, you got people on the other hand with half they head filled with so much air they oughta be a hot air balloon. There are so many conversations that people have behind closed doors that never reach the people it should address & even though we're all still trying to figure things out-- what happened to the human decency? What do you actually gain from being around someone you don't like? The answer is simple and I'm sure you can already guess what it is :) All the extra is so unnecessary. That's why I plan on leaving all the mess in 2019.


Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.

Boo'd Up Season

Now that the weather is getting cooler, it's definitely time to get yourself a boo or significant other! For some people, it's easy! For others, it's the hardest task ever. That’s why I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. A lot of times when you’re with someone you like, they are just as nervous as you are if not more. The following tips I have are ones that can not only help you but can be applied in situations that don't always include personal relationships.

The Pursuit

I know speaking to people isn't easy for everyone, especially when they may be shy or socially awkward, but it can be done with just a little bit of effort. It takes one going past the initial introduction to really make someone interested. Whether it's asking them about tasks they've completed throughout the day or bringing up topics that can be discussed between the two of you. Learn about them without making it such a uniform conversation. After you feel as though you've learned enough about them, move into putting what you've learned to the test.

You can do this by confirming the information you know about them with them. Ask them questions that show them that you were listening when they told you things.

Do all these things without trying to be invasive or overbearing. You don't want that person to feel like you're being extra, but still, make them aware of the fact that you're feeling them.

Make them want to look forward to being around you and do your best to make every interaction positive, even if it's short.

Sticking Around
After you feel like you all are close enough, still continue pursuing them. Time one of the biggest contributing factors when it comes to someone evaluating your relationship with them. Not just the time spent together, but what's actually happening in that time. You should be able to learn something new every time you're with them, never stop learning. Also, continue to keep things exciting and interesting. Avoid hum-drum conversations with them to ensure they will not eventually become bored with you. Express to the person that you want to keep talking to them and make the best of every interaction. No, you all won't have a great interaction every time, but that's okay but its not intended to be perfect.

If you feel the person is starting to drift away or become too distant, address it. Addressing it will ensure that the person is at least aware of the fact that this isn't just a seasonal thing. Or even if it was a seasonal thing, you both are on the same page.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are the one that is becoming uninterested, do your best to...

1. Put yourself in the other person's shoes
2. Be understanding of the potential attachment, if any, that either of you could have had

You want this person to understand that you are wanting to move on in the least dramatic way possible. No bad blood, no animosity. There may be tension after it initially happens, but if it's a situation where you both could be friends why not?

Or...

If you're feeling like you really would like to be with this person, but you don't know how to go about keeping them around, address this as well. Timing is everything so if you feel deep down that it's not the right time, don't ask them. It takes a bond to mature first on its own before both parties understand its true place value. Don't rush into something that could be meant to be just because you want to do things in your own timing.

~~~~~

Since it’s now no longer sunny all day or beaming hot, it’s fewer activities for you to enjoy with your boo but don’t let that discourage either of you from hanging out. Especially when there are more things to do than just Netflix & Chill. Doing research on events in your area is very essential to what’s going on. Sometimes when we don’t hear about things, we think nothing is going on which isn’t always the case. Find different festivals, upcoming concerts, or even... in your area.

Pro-Tip: Surprise your significant other by going to the event without telling them and make them guess the entire way there just to see where their mind is.

If research doesn’t help or you don’t have too much money right now, try anything of the things listed below:

• Game Night 
• Scary Movie Night 
• Walk through the park 
• Carve Pumpkins 
•  Thrift Shopping 
• Mini Photoshoot 
• Cooking a Meal

For those cold nights where it's just you two together, you could also try to play music. Sometimes it’s not even about getting in the mood, it’s about having that vibe with another person. Or even just wanting something to break tension and silence in a room. Here are some songs that might help...

Ari Lennox- Shea Butter Baby                                   
Wale Feat. Jeremih - On Chill                                       
Ella Mai- 10,000 Hours
DRAM Feat. Erykah Badu - WiFi
Jacquees Feat. Tink - Outta Line
Daniel Cesar Feat. Kali Uchis- Get You
H.E.R. Feat. Bryson Tiller - Could've Been
Brent Faiyaz - Stay Down
Miguel Feat. J.Cole & Salaam Remi- Come Through and Chill
Gravez - Call Me Back Feat. Elhae

Make this fall season one that's both memorable and has good vibes.

Always a pleasure, thank you.