Boo'd Up Season

Now that the weather is getting cooler, it's definitely time to get yourself a boo or significant other! For some people, it's easy! For others, it's the hardest task ever. That’s why I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. A lot of times when you’re with someone you like, they are just as nervous as you are if not more. The following tips I have are ones that can not only help you but can be applied in situations that don't always include personal relationships.

The Pursuit

I know speaking to people isn't easy for everyone, especially when they may be shy or socially awkward, but it can be done with just a little bit of effort. It takes one going past the initial introduction to really make someone interested. Whether it's asking them about tasks they've completed throughout the day or bringing up topics that can be discussed between the two of you. Learn about them without making it such a uniform conversation. After you feel as though you've learned enough about them, move into putting what you've learned to the test.

You can do this by confirming the information you know about them with them. Ask them questions that show them that you were listening when they told you things.

Do all these things without trying to be invasive or overbearing. You don't want that person to feel like you're being extra, but still, make them aware of the fact that you're feeling them.

Make them want to look forward to being around you and do your best to make every interaction positive, even if it's short.

Sticking Around
After you feel like you all are close enough, still continue pursuing them. Time one of the biggest contributing factors when it comes to someone evaluating your relationship with them. Not just the time spent together, but what's actually happening in that time. You should be able to learn something new every time you're with them, never stop learning. Also, continue to keep things exciting and interesting. Avoid hum-drum conversations with them to ensure they will not eventually become bored with you. Express to the person that you want to keep talking to them and make the best of every interaction. No, you all won't have a great interaction every time, but that's okay but its not intended to be perfect.

If you feel the person is starting to drift away or become too distant, address it. Addressing it will ensure that the person is at least aware of the fact that this isn't just a seasonal thing. Or even if it was a seasonal thing, you both are on the same page.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are the one that is becoming uninterested, do your best to...

1. Put yourself in the other person's shoes
2. Be understanding of the potential attachment, if any, that either of you could have had

You want this person to understand that you are wanting to move on in the least dramatic way possible. No bad blood, no animosity. There may be tension after it initially happens, but if it's a situation where you both could be friends why not?

Or...

If you're feeling like you really would like to be with this person, but you don't know how to go about keeping them around, address this as well. Timing is everything so if you feel deep down that it's not the right time, don't ask them. It takes a bond to mature first on its own before both parties understand its true place value. Don't rush into something that could be meant to be just because you want to do things in your own timing.

~~~~~

Since it’s now no longer sunny all day or beaming hot, it’s fewer activities for you to enjoy with your boo but don’t let that discourage either of you from hanging out. Especially when there are more things to do than just Netflix & Chill. Doing research on events in your area is very essential to what’s going on. Sometimes when we don’t hear about things, we think nothing is going on which isn’t always the case. Find different festivals, upcoming concerts, or even... in your area.

Pro-Tip: Surprise your significant other by going to the event without telling them and make them guess the entire way there just to see where their mind is.

If research doesn’t help or you don’t have too much money right now, try anything of the things listed below:

• Game Night 
• Scary Movie Night 
• Walk through the park 
• Carve Pumpkins 
•  Thrift Shopping 
• Mini Photoshoot 
• Cooking a Meal

For those cold nights where it's just you two together, you could also try to play music. Sometimes it’s not even about getting in the mood, it’s about having that vibe with another person. Or even just wanting something to break tension and silence in a room. Here are some songs that might help...

Ari Lennox- Shea Butter Baby                                   
Wale Feat. Jeremih - On Chill                                       
Ella Mai- 10,000 Hours
DRAM Feat. Erykah Badu - WiFi
Jacquees Feat. Tink - Outta Line
Daniel Cesar Feat. Kali Uchis- Get You
H.E.R. Feat. Bryson Tiller - Could've Been
Brent Faiyaz - Stay Down
Miguel Feat. J.Cole & Salaam Remi- Come Through and Chill
Gravez - Call Me Back Feat. Elhae

Make this fall season one that's both memorable and has good vibes.

Always a pleasure, thank you. 

Behind the Camera: Actor's Edition

Kiah Clingman @kiahtheactress                            

This is the first installment of my new monthly series on my blog where I will be zeroing in on someone to interview in the entertainment industry. Anyone who is behind a camera on either side is being interviewed who can be viewed as an influence. 

If you have any suggestions on who I should pick next, feel free to email me at sherdellbaker@icloud.com or DM me on my Instagram @curlyblanco. 

~
I had the pleasure of interviewing the amazing Kiah Clingman. The Ohio native had her start with acting when she would work on different short films and videos with her friends from college. All of which were great starts to her now even more blossoming career. She also comes from a creative background because her father, James Clingman, is an author of various economic books and black empowerment books. Her resume includes working with production companies such as DamnWriteOriginals and the Cincinnati Black Theatre. As well as, co-starring in the hit series Black Lightning and the film Undercover Brother 2. She graduated from Howard University in 2015 with her degree in both Theater and History.

"Acting is the hardest but most rewarding job to do." She stated when referring to the will and resilience needed in an industry that is very critical, and sometimes even rejecting various things you may want to bring to the table or ideals you may have.

At one point, it was even hard for her to get bookings because of her natural hair. Sometimes your appearance, especially in the entertainment industry, can be a make or break deal for your next job offer. Kiah explained how she had to learn to be "okay with herself" and understand that it is not always personal in brands that have a certain look they're trying to uphold. Additionally, rooting for others when you don't get the part. It can be very discouraging, especially in an industry that is so competitive, when you don't get a role that you feel like was made for you.

Kiah pictured above with her castmates from the web series,
Outlandish. 

With God being the head of her life, not only does she go to Him in prayer for a lot of her decision making, but she also prides herself on having your intentions align with your overall perspective in life. One role in a major movie she turned down because the role included her going up to another male character and wearing minimal clothing-- as if to be one of his "women". Turning this down said a lot to me about her character and her as a woman because she didn't wanna be presented in a way that would "downplay" her.

When asked about what advice she would give to someone who is looking to break into the industry, she exclaimed about one's perception. One's perception of their circumstances is what can affect their decisions & how they carry themselves on a daily basis.

Behind the Camera, Kiah still struggles with family issues like the next person. Along with balancing all of the different hats that she wears daily. Nonetheless, she does it gracefully with the way she chooses to live her life. Releasing positive energy out onto others is one way she does this along with seeking counseling. Yes, as we all know it can be scary venting to someone that you don't know about topics that you may not feel comfortable talking about. However, speaking to someone that has no previous background about you helps them to be objective and unbiased to ways they can advise you to go about different circumstances. This is something that she suggested for those wanting to get into the industry for clarity.

What's coming next from Kiah? Some of the projects she's working on she couldn't disclose all of the information due to The project she just recently finished, Undercover Brother 2, will be on Netflix in November. Also, she's producing two different short films that should have release dates on the horizon.


"Know what you want, and what you want can't be temporary." - Kiah Clingman, 2019



If you're interested in contacting or working with Kiah, her social media handles on Instagram and Twitter are @kiahtheactress, as listed above.

Her website is listed here... https://www.kiahclingman.com/

Her LinkedIn is listed here... https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiahclingman



Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you. 

Colorism [P2]

Disclaimer: I am not of a fairer skin tone nor have I ever been.

At the end of the day, we're all people of color and should love the skin we're in more than what any person can ever say or do to us to make us feel bad about it. However, this is an issue that hits home very hard for me and I will not sugar coat anything about it.

Colorism is an issue plaguing various racial communities, especially the African American community, and still has yet to be brought to the attention of people who are impacted by it the most. Not only are people losing their self confidence by the boat load, but they are going to extreme measures to fit in, feel accepted, and love themselves. As we dive deeper into this troubling topic, I would like to remind you all of the disclaimer and to have you all reference the Colorism Part 1 for more background information on what specifically colorism is & its underlying impact in our everyday lives.

Colorism is not something that started in the new age or even with today's celebrities and their ever evolving lives. It started back in the times of slavery was where there was slave-owner rapes going on amongst the slaves. There was a forced separation between varying skin tones. (ie. the house slave vs. the field slave) This is where the trend of favoritism over lighter than darker skin began. As well as, the better treatment of someone because they were of a fairer skin tone than brown. Sadly, this action has only evolved over time into what we now recognize as Colorism, but no matter what time frame that it occurred in its impact still stands in the lives of people of color today. Also, because the hatred was always targeted towards fairer skinned individuals the view on their perspective was always minimized. What many people fail to realize is that biracial and lighter skinned African American people still struggle and have limitations as well. Wouldn't you be frustrated if every time you walked around people would ask you "what are you mixed with?" as if you can't just be fully black? Or making it seem as though the only reason why you are beautiful/handsome is because of your skin tone when you have much more to offer than your appearance.

There was even a point where an act called "blackface" was being used in films for the mere fact of Caucasians not wanting to hire actual actors of color. This type of makeup while filming only helped to increase the stereotypes about darker people and the stigma around them as slaves and freed slaves. These characteristics included the enlarging of lips, obsessively aggressive behavior, and illiteracy being displayed in both the actor's mindset and speech throughout these screenings.

The societal pressures of trying to look a particular way in relation to colorism has resulted in many men and women turning to skin bleaching. These celebrities including Azealia Banks, Lil' Kim, and even Sammy Sosa. Yes ladies, men do experience self esteem issues in relation to colorism. They're not always the ones bashing. Though they did this act for all different reasons, what type of message it actually sending? Celebrities are still watched by various people, and since self esteem issues are not subject to age their impact of doing this still stands. Spice, of Love and Hip Hop, even went viral in late 2018 after posting staggering pictures of herself with fair, close to white, skin and light blue eyes. This content received much backlash, many even believed that it was just a publicity stunt for attention.

Pictured above is LHH Star, Spice, both before and after the skin bleaching hoax

Spice later revealed that it was indeed all a hoax to get the media's attention on the importance of colorism, and was apart of a music video for her song titled Black Hypocrisy where she talked about self-love and abolishing colorism. The visuals from the video included her speaking to a room of young girls in a powerful manner to convince them to view themselves at beautiful & showcased her with fairer skin while rapping in the song about people's perception of her on whether or not she was beautiful how she was or "too black" for them. Spice is also of Jamaican descent, and their culture is affected heavily by skin bleaching which is a partial reasoning as to why she created the song and temporarily lightened her skin. This very outlandish act may seem extreme to some people, but to others it was a rude, but much needed awakening for the sake of the African American and Jamaican community.

Another person who indirectly spoke to the colorism issue in the African American community was Beyoncé with her song Brown Skin Girl. Her recent song that was featured on the Lion King album received sensational feedback after its release for its extensive upliftment of black women, more specifically those of darker skin tones. Lyrics such as "Your skin just like pearls
The best thing in the world" and "She need an Oscar for that pretty dark skin" are some of the words that stuck out the most to listeners. Beyoncé already had a history of black women empowerment, but definitely in that particular song it was something that resonated with many different people past a catchy beat.

Sometimes we also fail to remember that people of fairer skin tones still face colorism and struggles along with brown/darker skinned people. For example, being considered "not black" just because your skin tone is light. Or what about the accusations of being "mixed" with something?

Photographer: Frank Bauknight 

Instagram: @byfrankieb

For some, they can struggle with feeling there's no connection between themselves and historical figures because none of them actually look like them. Also, not fitting in with black nor white people because your not "considered" black or white to either side. They're just in the middle, if that makes sense. These are just a few of the many things that biracial or lighter skinned people can feel when it comes to discrimination and their skin tone. We should all be able to be on a united front and support one another. Don't let this man-made discrimination principle dictate to how you see others.

Now knowing what all you do now, you're probably wondering one thing. What can we do to end this cycle? Well, the answer to that is multiple answers but I can give my personal opinion on what action plan you should follow.

1. Be mindful of the compliments or even negativity energy you put out there. (Just because someone doesn't say something doesn't mean what you said didn't make them feel a certain way)
2. Embrace the idea of different cultures & characteristics are still nice, even if they aren't within your preference. (Just because someone doesn't look the way you would want them to doesn't mean they're ugly)
3. Remind YOURSELF that you are enough of person to be loved, cherished, and valued. (If no one else does, you do it for you. Don't think it makes you soft or extra to just feel yourself. You can't expect someone else to love you if you don't love you.)

Once becoming accustomed to these steps, share them with others. Remind others how handsome or beautiful they are and bring out the characteristics that they have that don't always have to do with physical appearance. There's nothing wrong with preference, just don't degrade others in the process.




Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.