As you go through life, you meet me so many different people.
All different types of facial features, shades, heights, sizes and then some.
These people you meet along the way help you grow in more ways than one, and your fondness of them increases the more time you spend with them.
You laugh together, cry together, experience together.
But what happens when it just stops?
I know we’ve all came in contact with a fake friend at some point. And if you haven’t? Well here are some ways to spot them OR to find out if you’re the fake friend in your circle.
Fake friends can range from talking about you behind your back to not even including you in plans more than once. They can even use you without you realizing it, and still want more after you’ve already gave them everything. Or what about when they get frustrated by your presence and you haven’t even said a word yet? If they’re your friend, they should be more than happy to see you.
I do feel like we all can have tendencies to do shiest things or be selfish one way or another, but when it’s repeated behavior it has to be addressed. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been fake towards people, and of course I had my reasons. Sometimes you do just want distance between yourself and certain people. Other times, the reason is something more serious.
The bottom line is you want friends that make you feel important.
Loved.
Appreciated.
Not people who tear you down.
Always need a favor (nothing wrong with helping from time to time)
Or don’t support you GENUINELY when you have something good going for yourself.
If you have someone in your life displaying any of these behaviors towards you, address it! Don’t sit back while they take advantage or aren’t made aware of what they’re doing because maybe they can fix it. Be mindful that if this person was not aware of what they were doing, they also don’t know how you felt when they treated you that way. Express it wholeheartedly why you felt that way, and why you deserve better.
In that moment they will either get defensive or be understanding.
It’s your own decision on what you and the other party/parties after you put yourself out there.
If you’re the one displaying this behavior, and it’s brought to your attention. Don’t get so upset. Even if you don’t feel like you were being fake, the other person merely felt like you were and you have to explain why you were acting the way you were if there is even a particular reason at all to do so. If you don’t have a particular reason, just apologize.
If you care about this person enough as your friend, you’ll put your pride aside & make things right for the sake of the relationship. Don’t let a small miscommunication force you to throw away something special.
(Side note: It’s okay to not always be right in the situation. )
In any relationship, you want to be able to trust someone. But how do you actually develop trust?
Keeping your word when you say something is one of the main things. Along with keeping personal information sacred, not being judge mental towards one another, and just having that open line of communication to name a few.
However, the ways you can tell to not trust a person is if they constantly have to argue their perspective when you tell them something. (Sometimes it’s better to just listen, folks.) The person is also not dependable when they’re needed nor are they considerate of you and your feelings. And the list just goes on for both perspectives.
Sometimes we forget that trust and communication still apply when it comes to friendships. Those should be the first people we use those actions with if no one else.
I want to leave you with an assignment. For those of you with friends, especially close friends, tell them how much you appreciate them. How much they mean to you, and make sure to still have the conversation about trust & communication even if there’s not a problem.
Being on the same page is the best way to start a story.
Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.
Entitled & Englightened
"The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off." - Gloria Steinem
Before I actually get into the post, I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of my wonderful readers & genuine supporters for being so patient and gracious through this time of transition for me. I’ve had so many different changes in my life, both good & bittersweet, that I haven’t had time nor the creative energy to put out content. I’m big on my content being of good quality so that’s why it took longer for me to post something than normal.
I’d rather put out nothing at all than to just put out anything.
•
I find it interesting how much of ourselves we give away to people. Not only that, but why do we have to go through so many different "situationships" to remember our self worth? "Treat others the way you want to be treated" doesn't always apply to one who is subconsciously entitled. Twisting one's words to get what you want is selfish and manipulative... but people do it everyday.
I've had two situations in my life remind me of how entitled one person could actually be. I didn't realize it was this bad, but now that I do I am more than happy to share this knowledge with you all for future reference.
In one, I was told in shorter words that how I felt didn’t matter, and that because it specifically wasn’t me in involved in the circumstance I didn’t have the “right” to weigh in on discussions about it. Mind you, this circumstance not only affected me personally but it was causing someone I love to feel hurt and degraded. Wouldn’t you want to intervene in some way to stop the madness? To ensure that said person was taken care of?
In another, I was in this situation where someone who I called myself trying to talk to would always imply in short words to wanting to have sex with me. (Now if you know me, you know I ain’t even cut like that so that wasn’t gone happen.) What was crazy was how I kept letting it happen & excusing the behavior all because I thought it could develop into something else.
Man, somebody should’ve pinched me cause I was dreaming.
A straight up fantasy land.
It's nothing wrong with wanting your cake & eating it too, but if you're going to go after it then do it the right way.
Respectfully.
Graciously.
In a way that doesn't make me question your true self-esteem and character.
Both of these situations reminded me that even though you want someone to show emotions or do things the right way, if they’re not level-headed enough to be respectful in doing so, even if they are upset, they will cause damage to a situation that has no place being there. In both of these situations, neither of these people expressed & communicated in the most effective way their emotions.
Thank God that now I don't have to deal with someone who's a man physically, and still a young child mentally. I believe there's a difference between having immature elements to your character and just being downright childish.
Now that those things have came, went, and been resolved, I want to remind you-- the reader-- that going through this may have left me mind-boggled and questioning almost every word that would leave my mouth, but it only amplified my self worth. Why? Because I knew that the treatment I was being handed wasn’t on my level and I deserved better around me. Since being reminded of my self-worth, I refuse to let anyone treat me as anything less of royalty and plan on only doing things that will add success to my future.
And just to clarify...
Royalty doesn't mean putting me on a pedestal. (I think that's where a lot of people mess up)
I mean in the context of treating me as if I am adequate enough for your compassion & love. Additionally, that I am being edified at the highest esteem possible.
This treatment also isn’t subject to gender. A lot of times women like to to be treated like a queen, but forget that they want/need a king. How can you expect him to treat you so highly when you treat him like the scum of the earth?
Both genders need to do better with their treatment of each other, and if you’re trying to dog someone specifically then don’t dog the rest of us... half the time we don’t even know you or care about your situation. But we will, however, address the disrespect.
You just feel entitled to say what you want because you’re letting your confidence morph into cockiness, and that’s unfortunate.
Knowing what I know now, I would have never handled either of those situations the way I did. I had to remember that not everyone’s maturity level is where it may appear to be and you can’t give so much of yourself away
It is above me now.
Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.
Before I actually get into the post, I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of my wonderful readers & genuine supporters for being so patient and gracious through this time of transition for me. I’ve had so many different changes in my life, both good & bittersweet, that I haven’t had time nor the creative energy to put out content. I’m big on my content being of good quality so that’s why it took longer for me to post something than normal.
I’d rather put out nothing at all than to just put out anything.
•
I find it interesting how much of ourselves we give away to people. Not only that, but why do we have to go through so many different "situationships" to remember our self worth? "Treat others the way you want to be treated" doesn't always apply to one who is subconsciously entitled. Twisting one's words to get what you want is selfish and manipulative... but people do it everyday.
I've had two situations in my life remind me of how entitled one person could actually be. I didn't realize it was this bad, but now that I do I am more than happy to share this knowledge with you all for future reference.
In one, I was told in shorter words that how I felt didn’t matter, and that because it specifically wasn’t me in involved in the circumstance I didn’t have the “right” to weigh in on discussions about it. Mind you, this circumstance not only affected me personally but it was causing someone I love to feel hurt and degraded. Wouldn’t you want to intervene in some way to stop the madness? To ensure that said person was taken care of?
In another, I was in this situation where someone who I called myself trying to talk to would always imply in short words to wanting to have sex with me. (Now if you know me, you know I ain’t even cut like that so that wasn’t gone happen.) What was crazy was how I kept letting it happen & excusing the behavior all because I thought it could develop into something else.
Man, somebody should’ve pinched me cause I was dreaming.
A straight up fantasy land.
It's nothing wrong with wanting your cake & eating it too, but if you're going to go after it then do it the right way.
Respectfully.
Graciously.
In a way that doesn't make me question your true self-esteem and character.
Both of these situations reminded me that even though you want someone to show emotions or do things the right way, if they’re not level-headed enough to be respectful in doing so, even if they are upset, they will cause damage to a situation that has no place being there. In both of these situations, neither of these people expressed & communicated in the most effective way their emotions.
Thank God that now I don't have to deal with someone who's a man physically, and still a young child mentally. I believe there's a difference between having immature elements to your character and just being downright childish.
Now that those things have came, went, and been resolved, I want to remind you-- the reader-- that going through this may have left me mind-boggled and questioning almost every word that would leave my mouth, but it only amplified my self worth. Why? Because I knew that the treatment I was being handed wasn’t on my level and I deserved better around me. Since being reminded of my self-worth, I refuse to let anyone treat me as anything less of royalty and plan on only doing things that will add success to my future.
And just to clarify...
Royalty doesn't mean putting me on a pedestal. (I think that's where a lot of people mess up)
I mean in the context of treating me as if I am adequate enough for your compassion & love. Additionally, that I am being edified at the highest esteem possible.
This treatment also isn’t subject to gender. A lot of times women like to to be treated like a queen, but forget that they want/need a king. How can you expect him to treat you so highly when you treat him like the scum of the earth?
Both genders need to do better with their treatment of each other, and if you’re trying to dog someone specifically then don’t dog the rest of us... half the time we don’t even know you or care about your situation. But we will, however, address the disrespect.
You just feel entitled to say what you want because you’re letting your confidence morph into cockiness, and that’s unfortunate.
Knowing what I know now, I would have never handled either of those situations the way I did. I had to remember that not everyone’s maturity level is where it may appear to be and you can’t give so much of yourself away
It is above me now.
Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.
The Importance of Black-Owned Business
As many of you may know, there are many black businesses in existence but few are actually known about to be patronized. For the ones we do know about, we tend to complain about buying from because of the prices. What we fail to realize is that if they're not making sales like they should, the prices are going to be higher because they business still needs to make profit.
Not only that, but if you can spend the same amount at another store or even more-- why not just keep the money circulating within your own community? The African-American community gives so much money to other races when we don't even support our own how we should. This is not to put-down other business owners in any way, shape or form nor of any other ethnicity but it is to shine a light on black owned businesses that deserve more credit & actually have some pretty cool products. Don't let the prices intimidate you because higher quality costs more.
Buying from these business additionally helps to.. I hope learning about these businesses inspires you to create your own or spread the word about them. If you're feeling unsure of a brand, it also helps to try and look up reviews on them just to make sure it's what you think it is. (YouTube is great for this!)
Listed below are various black owned businesses categorized by skincare, apparel, hair care/grooming, and makeup. There's hundreds of others that exist whether locally or even internationally. Let's help them grow this year!
Disclaimer: All black-owned businesses were found with my own research. I have not been sponsored in any way. The pictures are also not my own.
Skincare
https://www.boldenusa.com/
Their mission is to help women of color not only embrace their natural beauty, but also to create products that give representation to dark skin tones within the skincare product field. Their products also help cater to women that suffer from hyperpigmentation (when melanin is produced on more areas of the body than others naturally; creates dark spots.) I would recommend this brand because after speaking to them personally, they not only care about their consumers genuinely, but they also take heed to their customer feedback when it is provided.
Y'all know I couldn't leave my guys out the equation!! They have to keep their skin up too, right? Scotch Porter is a brand that has products for both your body & hair along with products specifically for shaving and for those of you that rock beards! One product that stuck out to me was their masculine wipes. It probably sounds weird, but it actually could probably be a life saver for a lot of people. Especially when a lot of guys tend to be more active (gym, sports, etc.) I didn't even know these were available for men so now that I do I'm lowkey interested for someone I know to try it and let me know the results.
Makeup
I already was aware of the brand Juvia's Place because of it's constant reoccurrence in tutorials on various social media platforms. What stuck out to me the most about this brand was how high of a pigmentation their palettes have. This can range of eyeshadow, blush, and even highlighter. I've always been interested in trying out this brand so potentially in the future I could buy a product from them & review it. If you're interested in seeing more shades they have & palette reviews yourself, just search them up on Instagram, @juviasplace
To find more black owned businesses, use the device you're reading this post on & type in "black owned ____", insert whatever type of business you're interested in. Hopefully you find what you're looking for.
Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.
Not only that, but if you can spend the same amount at another store or even more-- why not just keep the money circulating within your own community? The African-American community gives so much money to other races when we don't even support our own how we should. This is not to put-down other business owners in any way, shape or form nor of any other ethnicity but it is to shine a light on black owned businesses that deserve more credit & actually have some pretty cool products. Don't let the prices intimidate you because higher quality costs more.
Buying from these business additionally helps to.. I hope learning about these businesses inspires you to create your own or spread the word about them. If you're feeling unsure of a brand, it also helps to try and look up reviews on them just to make sure it's what you think it is. (YouTube is great for this!)
Listed below are various black owned businesses categorized by skincare, apparel, hair care/grooming, and makeup. There's hundreds of others that exist whether locally or even internationally. Let's help them grow this year!
Disclaimer: All black-owned businesses were found with my own research. I have not been sponsored in any way. The pictures are also not my own.
Skincare
- Bolden
Their mission is to help women of color not only embrace their natural beauty, but also to create products that give representation to dark skin tones within the skincare product field. Their products also help cater to women that suffer from hyperpigmentation (when melanin is produced on more areas of the body than others naturally; creates dark spots.) I would recommend this brand because after speaking to them personally, they not only care about their consumers genuinely, but they also take heed to their customer feedback when it is provided.
- Scotch Porter
https://www.scotchporter.com/ (Also sold on Amazon)
Y'all know I couldn't leave my guys out the equation!! They have to keep their skin up too, right? Scotch Porter is a brand that has products for both your body & hair along with products specifically for shaving and for those of you that rock beards! One product that stuck out to me was their masculine wipes. It probably sounds weird, but it actually could probably be a life saver for a lot of people. Especially when a lot of guys tend to be more active (gym, sports, etc.) I didn't even know these were available for men so now that I do I'm lowkey interested for someone I know to try it and let me know the results.
- Bevel
https://getbevel.com/ (Also sold on Amazon & Target Online)
Bevel is a brand that specializes in producing products that can reduce both irritation, and razor bumps from shaving. They also offer a shave plan that includes a razor with 60 extra blades, a shaving brush, priming oil, shave cream, and restoring balm (pictured above). I like the design of the product line both minimalistic and masculine. They also make it a point in their brand to cater not just to your shaving needs but your overall hair needs as well. This brand is also safe for women to use for their shaving needs. If your skeptical in any way, just check out the reviews!
Hair Care
Bevel is a brand that specializes in producing products that can reduce both irritation, and razor bumps from shaving. They also offer a shave plan that includes a razor with 60 extra blades, a shaving brush, priming oil, shave cream, and restoring balm (pictured above). I like the design of the product line both minimalistic and masculine. They also make it a point in their brand to cater not just to your shaving needs but your overall hair needs as well. This brand is also safe for women to use for their shaving needs. If your skeptical in any way, just check out the reviews!
Hair Care
- Delish Condish
http://www.delishcondish.com/
I remember seeing this brand somewhere on social media awhile ago, and found it so neat how their products were named after items considered natural & food such as mango or I personally plan on buying from this brand because I like the vibe I receive from their platform. They have products for both your hair, face, and body needs. When the time comes for me to buy products from them, I will do a review & follow-up. Their site is currently shut down to fill orders, but they will be back like they never left soon.
- NaturALL
https://naturallclub.com/
I've seen this brand featured on YouTube multiple times, and from what I could see they have very nice packing and make it their initiative to have each product within their line to be made with all natural products and essential oils. One of which being avocado that is good for adding slip when washing natural hair, and the nourishment of vitamin A to the hair follicles. For all my natural hair readers, this brand is definitely one to try if you're looking for a brand that has ingredients that aren't too harsh on your hair.
I've seen this brand featured on YouTube multiple times, and from what I could see they have very nice packing and make it their initiative to have each product within their line to be made with all natural products and essential oils. One of which being avocado that is good for adding slip when washing natural hair, and the nourishment of vitamin A to the hair follicles. For all my natural hair readers, this brand is definitely one to try if you're looking for a brand that has ingredients that aren't too harsh on your hair.
Makeup
- Juvia's Place
https://www.juviasplace.com/
I already was aware of the brand Juvia's Place because of it's constant reoccurrence in tutorials on various social media platforms. What stuck out to me the most about this brand was how high of a pigmentation their palettes have. This can range of eyeshadow, blush, and even highlighter. I've always been interested in trying out this brand so potentially in the future I could buy a product from them & review it. If you're interested in seeing more shades they have & palette reviews yourself, just search them up on Instagram, @juviasplace
- IMAN
https://imancosmetics.com/ (Also sold at Walmart, Target, & Amazon)
Iman is a well-known model of color that has been in the modeling industry for years now. IMAN Cosmetics was launched in 1994 , and is still a brand that promotes diversity for all women of color who are looking for a product to cater to their needs. Since in some cases it's considered a drugstore brand, the products within the line are cheaper and easier to find. They also do not test their products on animals (as addressed on their site), and has a three-shade range collection for skin shades of dark olive, light brown, ebony, and backtracking to regular olive as well.
Body
- Nubian Heritage
https://www.nubianheritage.com/ (Also sold on Amazon & at various healthy living stores.)
Nubian Heritage is a brand that is all about promoting wellness through their product line. These products being in the categories of body wash, deodorant, body scrubs, hair products, and even vegan hair care. I've personally used their Indian Hemp & Haitian Vetiver deodorant, and enjoyed it very much. The smell wasn't too strong, and actually did what was advertised on the packaging. When using various brands, we're not always aware of the impact those products can have on our bodies. Many ingredients in those products are actually harmful, but we would never even know. With their products being all natural, it can prevent those bad affects in the future, and still work just as good if not better.
- Legendary Rootz
https://legendaryrootz.com/
I've personally bought from this brand, and I can attest to them being very responsive when emailed about my order. It also came in a decent amount of time, and the product came out better than expected. (I ordered the Beaute Noire shirt in the color pink) They have such cute designs and accessories if you're looking for new items with great quotes to add to your closet! I would highly recommend this brand, their quotes are always so creative and inspirational. Their brand caters to men and women, but also offers unisex clothing in general.
- My Pride Apparel
https://myprideapparel.com/
Let me just say how much I genuinely do love the message that this brand is trying to spread. Every time they pop up on my timeline when I'm on social media, they always make me smile. Their career collection (pictured above) is what they're most known for. Any career you can think of is on there, I can guarantee it! It's important for us as POC to represent ourselves, along with our culture, not just in any classroom, but in any board room or room where you are in any way challenged or made uncomfortable because of your skin tone. They have various quotes and designs of sweatshirts, tanks, and hats on their site that could fit close to anyone's style. They offer clothing for men and women, along with children's sized clothing.
To find more black owned businesses, use the device you're reading this post on & type in "black owned ____", insert whatever type of business you're interested in. Hopefully you find what you're looking for.
Always a pleasure sharing with you, thank you.
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