Happy May everyone! Before I go on with today's post, I'd like to extend the upmost thanks to all of you who take time out of your day to read what I have to say. Your feedback is especially what helps me to understand what content you'd like more of. My posting schedule will still remain Tuesdays and Saturdays until further notice, but please do remember that my own schedule can sometimes interfere with posting on a particular day.
Now that all that's out of the way, let's get straight to it.
I chose the title of today's post because lately I've been through a lot of changes. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. Before I used to view relationships as so amazing, which they still are, and how so many couples stay together for so long making it look easy. I wasn't living in a fantasy even though some days it felt like it. Even now it's hard to believe that all that happened. A love story that was so particular yet told a million times over by so many other people. I thought seeing those images gave me a positive enough image to learn from. Still, I don't even though if that could've saved us. All those nights I spent praying for God to just send me someone who I could learn, and attain growth with as my partner to praying for no more stress, and not having to argue so much with the same person who I asked God to bring in to my life. At least that's how I thought it happened. It feels now like no time went by that things with that person began to spiral right before my very eyes. Of course this was a gradual process over time, and we thought we could fix it all. That's when I realized that some things are beyond repair. I used to feel so blissful, and at ease with him. All that love that I was receiving, and putting back out felt great. Although, throughout it all, I always had reality in the back of my mind; remembering what could possibly be a long term relationship or what may not have been. Even if I did believe in my first true love. It's what made me feel reassured at the end of the day because either way, I was in an overall beautiful relationship that would make me happy, and I'd finally had my first love for what seemed like took foreverrrrrrrr. That feeling was one of the factors that helped things feel better in those rough times. However, it didn't help me ignore the issues we faced on a regular basis nor did it stop me from yelling my mind instead of speaking my mind in situations that we both could've communicated better in. I even found myself searching for answers in places that didn't have them. I thought finding or using new methods that would help fix my relationship, and help cope with my stress would help.
I used to view dating relationships as something that was so much fun, and exciting. Easy, once again. All things that it can be, but can't be forever. Now, I view them as a test of endurance with another person that could be your soulmate, or just another person that you learn from in life. Neither in competition with each other, and both beneficial to someone.
As of lately I've been feeling the happiest I've ever felt in quite a long time. And no, it's not even from not being a relationship anymore before anyone makes that assumption. It's because for once in a long time I'm not stressed about something that's out of my control or not crying from being the most overwhelmed I'd ever felt. It feels like a relief.
When you do what makes you happy, and what stresses you out the most is taken away from your life, it's liberating. Freeing, even.
And still,
I love him.
Always a pleasure being able to share with you, thank you.
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